Sunday, January 16, 2011
I talked to Krogstad. I told him the truth about my coming here. I came to see him and see if we still had a chance at a happy life together. I'm so happy! He agreed with me! I can't wait... I will finally have someone to support and take care of again. I just want to make him the happiest man on earth! He told me... "When I lost you, it was as if all the solid ground went from under my feet. Look at me now- I am a shipwrecked man clinging to a bit of wreckage."
I think to shipwrecked souls should stay together no matter what.
I Wanna Be Loved by You... Krogstad
Is it ridiculous to think that I could have a second chance at love with Krogstad? I just think we would've been so amazing together. We could've started a family together and just think how happy we'd be by now. The only problem is, I'm not really sure how to suggest my plan to him... I suppose I could just straight-out tell him everything that I feel, but he doesn't seem like he'd appreciate that kind of outright affection.
Oh my lord! I stopped by Nora's house today and to my surprise, I saw Krogstad! My old lover from before I was married. Oh, what a dear he was... we had true love. I couldn't say anything to him regarding our past, but Nora does know now that we've met before. He's become a widower, as I've become a widow. He was left with some children, I'm not sure what ages but he's all alone now... Those could've been my children, then neither of us would have had to go through so much in life. But I suppose it's much easier to lose someone you do not love. I did not love my husband at all. My marriage to him was not for love, but for stability, for a roof over my head.
NORA: "Tell me, is it really true you didn't love your husband? Why did you marry him, then?"
MRS. LINDE: "Well, my mother was still alive; and she was helpless and bed-ridden. And I had my two little brothers to take care of. I didn't feel I could say no."
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Not as Bad as I Thought
When our visit had just started, it seemed to me that Nora hadn't really changed at all... I think I may have offended her. I told her about my lack of occupation currently, and that I was looking for a steadier job. She was very gracious and said that she and Torvald would do absolutely anything to help! I told her, "It's sweet of you to bother so much about me, Nora. Especially since you know so little of the worries and hardships of life." She got extremely defensive and began telling me about this ridiculous trouble she'd gone to in order to save her husband's life. She borrowed over two hundred pounds from a man who she says is not on the grid. She has been paying it off little by little doing odd jobs for people. She's finally done something responsible! She also seems so HAPPY in her life she's made with Torvald. They've got wonderful children and a beautiful home! She tells me her life has turned out perfectly, she truly, truly loves Torvald. I know I could've had that, if I was still young and outgoing I'm sure I could find love again.
Nora, the dear, also confessed to me that she thinks it's good to have a rainy day fund, of sorts, in case Torvald falls out of love with her once her looks have fled.
Nora: "Yes- some day, perhaps, after many years, when I am no longer as pretty as I am now. Don't laugh at me! I mean, of course, when Torvald is no longer as devoted to me as he is now; when my dancing and dressing-up and reciting have palled on him then it may be a good thing to have something in reserve."
Just Arrived
I forgot how childish dear Nora was when we were friends! She never even had to lift a finger, I swear! Her father spoiled her throughout her entire life, never letting her make any mistakes for herself. And when she did make the odd one, he would make it seem as though it didn't matter in the slightest! I'm not sure I'll be able to handle facing her after all these years! I seriously doubt that anything has changed at all in her little world. She's been placed in a box and I'm not sure she wants out of it. I think I will probably go see her, regardless. I've got no other choice.
The Big Idea
I've got it! Nora Helmer, My childhood friend lives not too far from here! I am so happy, finally something is going to work out for me... I think the last time I talked to her she said that her husband was, what was it, a lawyer? Yes, a lawyer. Perfect! I'm absolutely positive that she'll be able to help me. Is it presumptuous of me to assume this help? I don't think so really, I mean, she is quite comfortable as far as I know, and with a little bit of guilt from me I think she may just come in handy. I think another old friend lives there now. I wonder how his life turned out, if he had any kids or found a wife... I also hope that I don't run into him. I don't think he ever really understood that all I wanted was to be with him. It just wasn't a possibility at the time.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Almost had enough.
I think it's time for a big change. My life has passed it's peak and I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself. My brothers are both old enough to care for themselves, and no longer need my support. My husband recently passed away (although I can't say that it's been a detriment to my life). I've got no one to take care of but myself, for the first time in my life. Sometimes I wish my life had turned out easier. Perfect would've been ideal. If I'd married young, had a few children, and made a home for my family, I could practically be living in luxury by now. That's not to say my husband wasn't well off. We had enough. In fact, it wasn't until he died that the truth came out about all his business ventures. They all fell through after his death and I was left with absolutely nothing. I had to start doing odd jobs just to support myself. I'm tired of that. It's time to find a steady job on the payroll. Hmm... I don't have much experience with office work, certainly not enough to get me hired anywhere classy. Who do I know that could possibly help me out?
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